Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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