So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
