is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
