Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
