Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
