Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
