NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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