sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
