he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
