Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
