I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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