Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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