You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
