Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Your dad touched me again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
