Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
