she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
