Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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