This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
