ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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