Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
