She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
