I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
