My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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