The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Please, let me fuck your mom
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
