Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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