so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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