Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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