his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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