look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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