i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
