He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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