I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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