My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need a beard to bite.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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