We won't sleep together?
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
