Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
