im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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