Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
