Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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