Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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