Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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