And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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