if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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