Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
