she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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