My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Mom said you looked used
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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