What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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