I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
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I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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