I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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