At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
