at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
