i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
