Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
