too bad you live with your parents still
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
