Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
