she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My feet surprised me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
