I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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