im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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