You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
