it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
