The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize