P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
