I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
