Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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