I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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