Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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