just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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