i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
