Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My Sexting was not on an AP level
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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