Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
