i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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